i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I need to align my fucking chakras
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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