Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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