I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
