At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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