Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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