I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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