I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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