He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
