The best revenge is premature balding
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh god it's open bar.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
