don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
