My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
