i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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