i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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