I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
