just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
