I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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