thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
