your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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