This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
