It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
