weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
