i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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