You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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