But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
