I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
