i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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