There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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