it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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