you would pick up someone in the library
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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