there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
