we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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