thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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