I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
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Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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