so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize