every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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