Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
