dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
