i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
