the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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