MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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