Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
