We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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