can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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