But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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