Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
