Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
