i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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