if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
