pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
