Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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