Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
