So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
