Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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