When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
