Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
