I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
