If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
nutella sex= disaster
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
