There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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