i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
