This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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