just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
