I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
