I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
