I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
