Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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