Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
