Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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