return my video game
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
